A good intent is always Approved

ar127291484186203

It was around 5 am in the morning, I could hear the beautiful voice of our imam giving adhan (Muslim call for prayers) asking everyone to wake up and remember your creator,  and then I could hear the rooster crowing giving a second reminder to all of us. And then slowly the sun started rising, the birds were leaving their nests for a new day, and a new start. I could hear the voice of my grandmother waking up and asking me to wake up and give her some water but for her surprise, I was already awake and ready to give her water and help her get to the restroom.

It was a surprise for her because it would normally take at least 5 minutes of calling my name and shaking me sometimes a glass of water on my face to wake me up. She was old and I was very young about 11 years old back in 2001. She inquired if I was alright and have I slept properly I told “yeah I am okay” but I was “not okay”.

A few days back, something very different happens to me. While I was wandering around my village trying to find me a partner who can accompany me in the forests in search of some pigeons that we can hunt and later eat. I came across a very old man, who looked homeless and very poor but at the same time a little strange and different. I felt bad for him and asked him if he had eaten anything all day and he replied: ” no” that was sad on my part so I offered him some money but he refused and replied, “I don’t need your money ” it was rude, so I replied “I want to help you” and he went on saying “I don’t need your help either” clearly the man needed some help so I asked him the resaon for not accepting an 11-year-old boys help, he didnt answer and started  walking away. I was very offended by his reply and I felt disrespected as well so I asked him to stop, and he didn’t stop which made me feel even worse.He left me unanswered, confused and agitated. He took a good part of my sleep and a few of my hunting sessions.

However, my grandmother on the contrary thought someone might have spelled a magic on me and she thought it would be in the best interest of our family that I don’t go out and she had strictly advised my mother to keep an eye on me and leave the village as soon as the Eid holidays (Muslim religious festival) are over. This was even more annoying for me especially the unwanted concern of my family over my attitude.

Clearly, I was curious and furious over the reply of that old man. My grandfather always appreciated if we would ask him to take us to the mosque for prayers. I knew my grandmother and my mother had tag teamed and they won’t let me go anywhere by myself so I used my grandfather just to go out and look out for that man. As I went to my grandfather and asked him if he can take me to the mosque for afternoon prayers along with him, he happily agreed as “expected” even appreciated.

However, my grandfather didn’t know I was using him for my own need. As I approached the mosque I looked around but couldn’t find the old man. Meanwhile, we offered our prayers and left. On our way back, a villager came running to my grandfather and told him that one of our farmers had fallen from the tree and is seriously injured. We rushed towards the spot and as we reached into our lands I saw the farmer on the bed unconscious and badly injured. I saw one of his sons crying nobody cared about that little boy and everyone told her wife to take the kid inside the house because he was distracting the arrangments.

This felt very bad to me and I approached that boy and told him don’t worry everything will be okay and he replied my father was trying to get me some apricots I should have never asked for it, and he kept on weeping. His tears and pain made me very hurt and my sensitivity kicked in, and along with him, I started crying as well, as we both were children and both were crying that created even more distraction and now her mom has to take two kids inside instead of one.

When her mom took us inside her home she consolidated his son but she was harsh at me in trying to commiserate me she said “don’t cry and don’t overact he was not your father” it shocked me and I replied “I know but I feel bad for your child” and continued crying and then she slapped me and told me to shut up and stop crying and go back to my grandfather, and then she went on comforting her child.

Meanwhile, I was shocked, more confused and even more hurt. She stunned and confused me even more than that old man. Now I was seriously upset. I went to my grandfather while his that farmer was taken care of and when my grandfather saw me he hugged me and asked if I was okay and I just “yeah I am okay” but I was “not okay”.

Two days later and I was still in complete silence, totally in grieve and depressed over the attitude shown to me by the people I wanted to help.My mother and grandmother were completely convinced that someone has speeled some black magic on me but the only thing that hurt me was human behavior. My grandfather was very worried about me and was already in contact with some psychiatrists. Then arrived my father in the picture.

My father didn’t know about my condition because he was not around. My mother had called him about my absolute silence and grieve so he came back. As soon as he arrived I was a little relaxed in my own mind but still silent. He did not come straight to me for a few hours so I felt a little ditched which concerned me even more. Maybe he did it purposely because he wanted me to reach out to him and ask for help because he knew for me he was always my superhero. So that’s what happened, this time I didn’t wait, after a few hours I went to his room while he was alone and as soon as I saw him, I hugged him hard and started crying. He picked me up and showed me love and inquired what happened. I told him about both experiences and told him that from now on I will never try and help anyone.

My Father, however, did not agree with me he told me that just because some people don’t appreciate your help does not mean you should stop trying to help people. Your concern for others portrays your character and the sensitivity inside you for other humans and their rejection shows there character and their insensitivity. He told me that there will be all kinds of people that will come to me in my life and give me different experiences but that does not mean that I will change my self for them. He told me that I will evolve by time but my nature will never change and those words of my father will always remain with me. Once again my father was was my savior and after that, I never felt bad by for trying helping someone regardless of the fact if that person approves or disapproves my intent.

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

My journey is not “Wrong” and here is where it all starts.

“Wrong” was a word that was invented to indicate what actually was incorrect but the word which was invented to indicate the actual incorrect situation was being so misinterpreted and misunderstood by the majority of human being who more often used the word “wrong” for indicating each other incorrect more usually. Life sometimes is very nice and welcoming to us however sometimes it makes sure that we have all sorts of unwanted stress in our mind that one can imagine. I remember when I was young aged 12 in my sixth grade, I hated to write essays for my English class. I just hated long question and answers where the teacher wanted us to write at least 250 words “counted” answer. At that time I just hated writing, and now all I want is to just write.

However, there are a lot of hurdles in this beginners journey, my greatest flaw is that I want to write but I am not well read, I haven’t read a lot of books so grammar is my weakest link coming from a country where spoken English class was also lectured in Urdu or sometimes in Pashtu, it was very hard for me to assemble myself and believe that I can write with my completely inaccurate Grammar. So a boy who was completely in hate with essay writing and was never intellectual enough to read different books or journal is thinking and stressing about only writing and how to write is something strange and very unusual, why would he try and write his first Blog on the eve of his Mathematics exam. The same exam for which he feels he is completely unprepared and unworried which is actually very “wrong” but I can’t help but accept it and keep on writing.

The reason is that boy from the age of 12 to the present age of 27 saw a world, came across so many different things in his life that tonight on the eve of a final exam of mathematics, he made his mind to step up and write his first blog. Things that made that boy to start writing in full sentences was conflict over religion, politics and cultural stereotypes. Something very deep yet very basic. All those things that keep us divided and yet brings us together are so interlinked and complex in nature that if you understand the meaning of it, it becomes so easy to live and coexist but if you just memories the theory and don’t understand the significance or sense of it, you will always be confused unsure of why actually God created us all and what are we doing here wearing different clothes eating all sorts of weird stuff and speaking in different languages.

At that age of 12 I believed in  whatever I have been taught and told by my parents or my culture was right and made sense to me because that was the kind of “sense” I was getting from 90% of the people around me and the remaining 10 % were so stigmatized and stereotyped to be weird and completely wrong that I never thought of even listing to them but when I walked out of my horizon and my comfort zone and my society it became increasingly uncomfortable and indigestible for me to accept or even understand the new realties the new cultures and the new stereotypes. For these new societies our societies were odd and weird and old school so the only similarity I could find between the new and the old was the same thing stereotyping and labelling each other as “wrong”.

The purpose of my writing will not be to indicate what is “wrong” and who is “wrong” and get confused and get my self “wrong” but the reason is just to tell what I believe is RIGHT so instead of getting confused in the “wrong” cycle I choose the RIGHT path and how it can easy be for all of us to live and coexist together. I can just try and give my thoughts and a lot of people will think that my beliefs are “wrong” but I WILL be  rational, honest and unbiased. By the way, I have completely forgotten about my final mathematics exam tomorrow and the word “counted” is more than 700 right now, which I would love  to be way more but for now I have to stop!!!!!!!!!!!